Gay and Lesbian Connection

Support and Acceptance for the Gay and Lesbian Community

Archive for 2010

It Gets Better

December 23rd, 2010 by Admin

It’s the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell–the biggest civil rights victory in years!   This Watershed moment is an example of a changing America, an America living up to our highest ideals of equality and fairness. But a changing America will give rise to some people’s fears and fears are often met with prejudice.But it will get better! Click on this link to listen to President Obama and gay White House Staff members:http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/12/20/white-house-staff-it-gets-better

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Does Reparative Therapy Work?

September 16th, 2010 by Admin

This was in response to an article that appeared in The Heritage in Orlando Florida.

I recently read Steve Lipman’s article in the Heritage; Controversy Stirs Over Therapy for ‘Curing’ Homosexuals, that tells of the goings on at the AOJS  (Association of Orthodox Jewish Scientists) annual conference in Connecticut.  The AOJS gave Arthur Goldberg, director of JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality), a “reparative therapy” organization for gay Jews, permission to speak at their annual conference after a telephone conversation where Goldberg cited supportive biblical verses.      

I couldn’t help but wonder if there are any members of our community who are gay and considering “reparative therapy.” If you are, you should know that “reparative” or “conversion therapy” is soundly rejected by virtually every mainstream medical and mental health organization in America.  My advice:  Save your money. It doesn’t work. 

While it was encouraging to know that AOJS is showing an interest in the subject of homosexuality, from the article it is apparent that there was a lack of knowledge about JONAH, Arthur Abba Goldberg, and  “reparative therapy.”

Goldberg’s credentials are questionable.  According to the Lipman article, Goldberg was disbarred in New Jersey and spent 18 months in prison in 1987 for investor fraud. Truthwinsout.org described him as a mini-Madoff for defrauding people out of millions of dollars.  A simple search on Google would have revealed a wealth of information about Goldberg and JONAH that the AOJS should have known about before allowing him to speak, and, as the Lipman article suggests, give Goldberg and his organization a step toward respectability.  As far as the value of “reparative therapy”, suffice it to say that The American Psychiatric Association, The American Psychological Association, The National Association of Social Workers, and almost half a million mental health professionals have rejected and discredited “reparative therapy” programs.

“Reparative therapy” is not about teshuvah, as Goldberg would have people believe.  It is about trying to remake someone into something they are not, in order to “fix” them.   The trouble with that is I can’t help but wonder why anyone needs to repent or change his or her natural God-given sexual orientation in the first place. 

As a practicing psychotherapist for over 14 years specializing in gay and lesbian issues, one of the things I’ve learned is that we can change many things about ourselves—like the color of our hair, even the color of our eyes with contact lenses, and with plastic surgery we can change the shape of our nose.  But in my opinion, and in the opinion of the majority of psychotherapists what we cannot change is our sexual orientation.  That is part of our fundamental nature.  And that is what JONAH and other reparative therapy groups try to do. 

The reality is if someone is gay, he or she is gay. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change a bird into a fish because you don’t like the song it sings. You might teach a bird to swim, but eventually it will fly; that’s what birds do.

To purposely try to change someone who’s gay into someone who’s straight by attempting to change his or her natural sexual orientation is not only psychologically damaging, it’s downright Orwellian. 

Gay people do not need to be cured or changed. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Homosexuality is not the problem in our world today. 

Homophobia is—and it’s not a gay problem.  It’s society’s problem.

Enid Jackowitz is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice at the Center for Counseling & Consulting in Casselberry, Florida.  She is the author of, “The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children.”  www.restoftheway.com

 

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6,000 Floridians Want Their Money Back

August 3rd, 2010 by Admin

Bill McCollum, Florida’s Attorney General and Republican Gubernatorial hopeful would like us to believe he is open-minded when it comes to the gay community.  But his actions prove otherwise—to at least 6000 Floridians.  After top members of his staff warned against it, McCollum paid George Rekers, a notorious anti-gay activist  $120,000 of Florida’s tax dollars to testify in favor of Florida’s ban on gay adoption as an “expert” witness. Rekers, if you remember got caught traveling with a male “escort” from Rentboy.com.  When McCollum was unable to find anyone willing to testify in favor of the ban, top members of his staff advised him not to use Reker, but he ignored them—too bad. Not only did the Court consider Reker’s testimony not credible, it was found to be far from a neutral and unbiased recitation of the relevant scientific evidence.”

Thanks to Equality Florida, 6,000 Floridians sent messages to Bill McCollum telling him that he was wrong to use taxpayer dollars to uphold an archaic ban on gay adoption that doesn’t do anything to better the lives of Florida’s children.

Telling is good.  Showing is better.  Floridians can also show McCollum that his actions were wrong in the next election.   

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Google Puts Same-Sex Couples on an Even Footing

July 4th, 2010 by Admin

Thank you Google!  For providing equal rights to ALL your employees by equalizing the added tax gay people are required to pay in order to receive domestic partner health benefits. Under federal law, health benefits provided by employers for domestic partners are considered taxable income. It’s a tax that heterosexual married couples do not have to pay (heterosexuals have the option of avoiding the tax by getting married—gays do not have that option.)  The result of this unfair tax of domestic partner benefits is that gay employees must pay about $1069 more per year in taxes than married employees.  When a gay employee pointed out the disparity, Google looked at what they could do to put “same-sex couples on an even footing with heterosexual employees whose spouses and families receive health benefits.”  So Google agreed to reimburse their gay employees to make up for the difference in the unfair tax.  

Now Focus on the Family is saying that rather than leveling the playing field, Google is giving their gay employees special treatment.   Focus certainly seems to spend a lot of their time trying to insure that gay people are treated like second-class citizens. If Focus would spend more time putting their own house in order instead of constantly scapegoating gays we would all be better off. If anyone has a gay agenda it’s Focus on the Family.  

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Gay Days

June 17th, 2010 by Admin

There were about 150,000 GLBT people at Gay Days in Orlando, one of the largest gay-pride events in the world.   They came from all over the country, and the world to celebrate their pride in being who they are.   It was amazing to see such a diverse community of GLBT people, lots in red shirts, many with their families feeling free to be OUT in the world, in this case Disney World.

A friend of mine has a son who was working at Disney during Gay Days.  “Mom, they’re just regular people,” he said.  

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Are You Still in the Closet?

June 12th, 2010 by Admin

Coming out to oneself can be a confusing and difficult process with several hurdles to cross.  First, there’s making the discovery that you are gay.  Then, there’s coming to terms with your same-sex feelings.  Next, it’s wondering, am I the only one with such feelings? It’s challenging for sure.  Society may be more accepting of gay people than ever before, but there is still a stigma attached to same-sex attraction, and of course, the biggest obstacle for most people is the fear that their families won’t be accepting.   That happens, but people can change.  A favorite quote from Carol Lynn Pearson:  When dogma collides with reality, when the people involved are those you love, you see with different eyes. Even unaccepting parents can begin to see things differently with time.    

 If you are at the point in your process that you are ready to come out, there are lots of books that can help you and your parents.  Also, for support check out www.PFLAG.org to find a chapter near you.    

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Article for Parents with Gay Children

May 31st, 2010 by Admin

If you’re thinking about coming out to your parents, and think your parents could use a little help here’s a suggestion.  Check out a free article for parents: 8 Things Parents Need to Know When Their Child Comes Out at www.restoftheway.com and click on Free Article.   Also the article could help if you’re already out and your parents are struggling.  

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Gallop Poll Shows Support for Gay Relationships

May 26th, 2010 by Admin

 According to a new Gallop poll, the majority of Americans now support gay relationships.  We may still have a way to go, but we are certainly headed in the right direction.  And it appears we have finally reached the tipping point in gay acceptance.

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Good Quotes

May 15th, 2010 by Admin

Here are two good quotes for the week:

This from Betty White, an American Treasure

As someone who’s been proudly advocating for equal rights and supporting GLBT causes for as long as I can remember, I know how much it means to young people struggling with their sexuality to see out and proud actors succeeding in their work without having to keep their sexuality a secret.

And this from U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer

In the greatest of all democracies, it hurts my heart that in the year 2010, we would still treat some members of our society as 2nd class citizens, and use them to score political points or gain votes or power.

Thanks to these powerful women for speaking out against homophobia.   

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The Rest of the Way

May 10th, 2010 by Admin

The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children by Enid Jackowitz is now available at Malaprops Book Store and Cafe in Ashville, NC.  Hear Enid speak about her journey from rejection and homophobia to acceptance and advocacy at Malaprops on Monday, August 9, 2010 at 7 PM.

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