Gay and Lesbian Connection

Coming out to oneself can be a confusing and difficult process with several hurdles to cross.  First, there’s making the discovery that you are gay.  Then, there’s coming to terms with your same-sex feelings.  Next, it’s wondering, am I the only one with such feelings? It’s challenging for sure.  Society may be more accepting of gay people than ever before, but there is still a stigma attached to same-sex attraction, and of course, the biggest obstacle for most people is the fear that their families won’t be accepting.   That happens, but people can change.  A favorite quote from Carol Lynn Pearson:  When dogma collides with reality, when the people involved are those you love, you see with different eyes. Even unaccepting parents can begin to see things differently with time.    

 If you are at the point in your process that you are ready to come out, there are lots of books that can help you and your parents.  Also, for support check out www.PFLAG.org to find a chapter near you.    

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The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children by Enid Jackowitz is now available at Malaprops Book Store and Cafe in Ashville, NC.  Hear Enid speak about her journey from rejection and homophobia to acceptance and advocacy at Malaprops on Monday, August 9, 2010 at 7 PM.

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Janice Langbehn and Lisa Marie Pond were setting sail on a vacation cruise with three of their four children in February 2007.  The cruise was a celebration of their 18 years together as a couple.  But, before the ship left port, Pond suffered a massive stroke and was rushed to Jackson Memorial Hospital (JMH) in Miami.

Because she was not considered “Family” Jackson Memorial administrators refused to allow Janice into Mary’s hospital room.  It was tragic that the hospital’s narrow definition of “Family” kept Janice from her beloved partner of 18 years at such a crucial time when she so needed the comfort of her family. Left alone for eight hours Mary slipped into a coma and died. It’s hard to believe that people could have been so callous and uncaring to allow that to happen.

This tragic incident was the catalyst that changed Jackson’s policies and procedures regarding LGBT families.  In a move that sets a new standard for Florida hospitals, Jackson Memorial Hospital has adopted a comprehensive set policies and procedures that respect lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) families.  Thanks go to Equality Florida for their work in helping to ensure that LGBT families are respected, protected, and supported. JMH CEO, staff, and administrative leaders are working closely with the LGBT community to upgrade hospital policies and training procedures with the goal of making Jackson a model for how hospitals should treat gay and transgender families and patients.

Just days ago, President Obama sent out a memo stating in part, “Gay and lesbian Americans are “uniquely affected” by relatives-only policies at hospitals.  They are often barred from the bedsides of the partners with whom they may have spent decades of their lives—unable to be there for the person they love, and unable to act as a legal surrogate if their partner is incapacitated.  In his memo the President asked the Department of Health and Human Services to establish a rule that would prevent hospitals from denying visitation rights to civil partners, effective immediately. 

 …And not a moment too soon.

 “It gives me and my family some comfort to know that by sharing our story we have helped to change Jackson’s policies for the better.”- Janice Langbehn

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For anyone working with kids—here is a great resource.  It’s Elementary.  This amazing documentary film should be mandatory for teachers to watch.  Children have questions.  This film gives adults ways to talk with kids about prejudice toward gays.  I saw it years ago and loved it.

It’s Elementary takes cameras into classrooms across the U.S. to look at one of today’s most controversial topics – whether and how gay issues should be discussed in schools. No political debate here.  The film takes the point of view of the school children. At its heart are inspiring scenes in which elementary and middle school teachers find creative ways to confront anti-gay prejudice.

It’s Elementary is the first film of its kind to address anti-gay prejudice by providing adults with practical lessons on how to talk with kids about gay people. Hailed as “a model of intelligent directing,” It’s Elementary shows that children are eager and able to wrestle with stereotypes and absorb new facts about what it means to be gay or lesbian.

Since it aired on more than 100 public television stations in 1999, It’s Elementary has fueled a growing movement of educators and parents — gay and straight alike — who are committed to preventing pervasive homophobia and anti-gay violence. The film shows what happens when kids in kindergarten through eighth grade discuss lesbian- and gay-related topics in age-appropriate ways. It’s Elementary models excellent teaching about family diversity, name-calling, stereotypes, and community building.

It’s Elementary has won numerous awards, has been acquired by nearly 3,000 educational institutions, and has received widespread acclaim from educators, policymakers, parents and religious leaders.  Check it out!

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The Rest of the Way

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The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children, by Enid Duchin Jackowitz is now available in the Orlando area at Borders at the Winter Park Village. In telling the story of how her son’s coming out effected her family, the author takes us on a journey from homophobia and rejection to a place of acceptance and advocacy.  People from over 30 Countries have visited the author’s website.  

 For more information and to read Testimonials check out www.restoftheway.com.  

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Check out the NBC’s Today show, on Thursday, January 28, 2010 for a piece on children who come out in middle school. 

When he was thirteen and in the 8^th grade, Richard Walsh came out to his parents and a few close friends.  Richard said, “I started to notice I was different when I was in the 6^th grade, and I wasn’t thinking the same things the boys in my class were,” he said, adding he began saying something to people because he felt like a liar. “My parents were very accepting …and they’ve been very supportive of me, as well.”

But at school, things didn’t go well.  Richard said he was teased and called derogatory names.  “Middle school was difficult after I came out because everybody (at that age) is still trying to piece themselves together,” he said.

When Walsh got to high school, he decided he wanted to be part of a solution for harassment in the schools –not just for the gay students, but for all the students. As a result, he helped form a Gay Straight Alliance group and became active in the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) –a national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students — to raise awareness and promote tolerance of everyone.

After high school, Walsh intends to continue his work as an advocate for the gay community

To learn more about Chillicothe High School’s Gay Straight Alliance, go online to www.chillicothegsa.com.

The NBC “Today” segment featuring Richard Walsh is expected to air between 7:30 and 9 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 28.

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It used to be that most gay children stayed in the closet until after they graduated from college, but that’s changing.  Lately, GLBT youth have been coming out to friends and family as early as middle school.  That’s a significant shift from just a few years ago.  According to David Massey, from the Greater Knoxville, Tenn. PFLAG chapter, many parents want to support their children but don’t know how.  Recently, a public lecture and discussion was held to address the challenges facing GLBT youth and their parents.  Participating were the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, the Greater Knoxville PFLAG, and the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church.   The discussion was provided as a way to help parents provide a supportive and nurturing environment for their gay or lesbian children.

Dr. Gary Grossman, assistant clinical professor, Department of Psychiatry, University of California San Francisco, addressed many of the questions parents had, stressing that parental empathy and the full recognition of their child’s individuality are vital to providing a supportive home life for their gay child. “One of the most important elements in providing a supportive and facilitating home environment for gay kids is acceptance,” says Grossman. “But, as a psychoanalyst, I recognize that even parents who intend to be accepting of their gay or lesbian child may still have unconscious ambivalence about having a gay child. And many parents, as they learn that their child is not growing up the way they had imagined, will need to go through a period of grief over the loss of their expectations as they grow to accept their child for who she or he is.”

Dr. Lorraine Hart, a retired psychologist said that she is now completely supportive of her son, and that, for the sake of others struggling with accepting their own gay children, she is glad there are places like PFLAG to go to for support. “There’s more support now, definitely,” she says. “There’s more acceptance of gay, lesbian and transgender people. I think the trend will increase. This younger generation doesn’t seem to be as homophobic.”

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A landmark moment for LGBT politicians was the election of Annise Parker, an openly lesbian woman as Houston’s new mayor.   At Parker’s inauguration last week Joel Osteen, pastor of one of the largest houses of worship in the country congratulated the new mayor and blessed her leadership of the city.  Quite a surprise when you consider that just months before the socially conservative Osteen said on television that homosexuality wasn’t one of God’s best creations.  Giving the invocation at Parker’s inauguration, a more accepting and tolerant Osteen prayed, “God, we just thank you for raising her up. We honor her today and other elected officials,” Osteen prayed. “We count it a joy and an honor to be here.” 

Parker recognized that her election made history not just in Houston, not just in Texas, and not just in the U.S., but around the globe. She has become one of the most influential LGBT politicians in the country, guiding a city that is the largest in Texas, and the fourth largest in the country. “Houstonians weren’t very surprised that a gay woman was elected. We have a tradition of electing mayors not for who they are but for what they believe we can do as a city,” Parker said. “We rise or we fall together, we succeed or we fail together.”

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REST OF THE WAY PUBLISHING                                                                

Press Release

 For Immediate Release

Announcing A New Book To Help Gay Children And Their Parents

Orlando, Florida, December 20, 2009—Enid Jackowitz, a psychotherapist and mother of a gay son has written a new book, The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children. Enid sheds light on where the roots of homophobia, shame, and guilt  come from, allowing parents to see issues that may be keeping them stuck.  The book will not only help parents come to a place of greater understanding and acceptance of their gay child, but also gay people will gain a new awareness of the complexity of the coming out process from a parents’ point of view. 

The Rest of the Way tells the true story of Enid’s journey of personal growth and transformation after her son came out to their family over twenty years ago, and how ultimately she became a psychotherapist specializing in gay and lesbian issues.  A prominent theme of the book is that there is nothing wrong with being gay.  But there is something very wrong with our homophobic world.  It isn’t our children who need to change; it’s society that needs to change.  This quote from Lexi W., Melbourne, PFLAG:  I purchased Enid’s book for our PFLAG chapter in Melbourne, FL. I always read the books we place in our library first. This book proved to be just as helpful for me, a lesbian woman, in my opinion, as it will be for parents of gay children. Enid’s story covers not just her struggle with her son coming out but also other issues that anyone in any family can relate to-relationships and self-esteem.

Very often when children come out the closet parents go into the closet.  But there is a way out.  Enid’s story of personal growth offers hope and compassion to families struggling with the coming out process. Quote from Dawn L. LCSW, Orlando:  The Rest of the Way is a look at the process that many parents of a gay or lesbian child go through in coming to terms with the ‘coming out’ of their child.  …Give this book to any family who has a gay or lesbian member.  Use it as a way to begin deeper conversations and build bridges back to one another and to your own deepest self. This book can change your life and that of your family or friends. 

 The Rest of the Way is now available at Amazon.com or Enid’s website www.restoftheway.com.  Orders placed at Enid’s website from now until January 31, 2010 will include a free copy of 8 Things Parents Need To Know When Their Child Comes Out.

 Enid Jackowitz is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice in Casselberry, Florida.  Knowing personally as well as professionally how difficult the journey from homophobia to acceptance is for both parents and children, Enid felt compelled to tell her story, to help parents on this journey. 

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