Gay and Lesbian Connection

The Rest of the Way

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The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children, by Enid Duchin Jackowitz is now available in the Orlando area at Borders at the Winter Park Village. In telling the story of how her son’s coming out effected her family, the author takes us on a journey from homophobia and rejection to a place of acceptance and advocacy.  People from over 30 Countries have visited the author’s website.  

 For more information and to read Testimonials check out www.restoftheway.com.  

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Check out the NBC’s Today show, on Thursday, January 28, 2010 for a piece on children who come out in middle school. 

When he was thirteen and in the 8^th grade, Richard Walsh came out to his parents and a few close friends.  Richard said, “I started to notice I was different when I was in the 6^th grade, and I wasn’t thinking the same things the boys in my class were,” he said, adding he began saying something to people because he felt like a liar. “My parents were very accepting …and they’ve been very supportive of me, as well.”

But at school, things didn’t go well.  Richard said he was teased and called derogatory names.  “Middle school was difficult after I came out because everybody (at that age) is still trying to piece themselves together,” he said.

When Walsh got to high school, he decided he wanted to be part of a solution for harassment in the schools –not just for the gay students, but for all the students. As a result, he helped form a Gay Straight Alliance group and became active in the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) –a national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students — to raise awareness and promote tolerance of everyone.

After high school, Walsh intends to continue his work as an advocate for the gay community

To learn more about Chillicothe High School’s Gay Straight Alliance, go online to www.chillicothegsa.com.

The NBC “Today” segment featuring Richard Walsh is expected to air between 7:30 and 9 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 28.

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It used to be that most gay children stayed in the closet until after they graduated from college, but that’s changing.  Lately, GLBT youth have been coming out to friends and family as early as middle school.  That’s a significant shift from just a few years ago.  According to David Massey, from the Greater Knoxville, Tenn. PFLAG chapter, many parents want to support their children but don’t know how.  Recently, a public lecture and discussion was held to address the challenges facing GLBT youth and their parents.  Participating were the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, the Greater Knoxville PFLAG, and the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church.   The discussion was provided as a way to help parents provide a supportive and nurturing environment for their gay or lesbian children.

Dr. Gary Grossman, assistant clinical professor, Department of Psychiatry, University of California San Francisco, addressed many of the questions parents had, stressing that parental empathy and the full recognition of their child’s individuality are vital to providing a supportive home life for their gay child. “One of the most important elements in providing a supportive and facilitating home environment for gay kids is acceptance,” says Grossman. “But, as a psychoanalyst, I recognize that even parents who intend to be accepting of their gay or lesbian child may still have unconscious ambivalence about having a gay child. And many parents, as they learn that their child is not growing up the way they had imagined, will need to go through a period of grief over the loss of their expectations as they grow to accept their child for who she or he is.”

Dr. Lorraine Hart, a retired psychologist said that she is now completely supportive of her son, and that, for the sake of others struggling with accepting their own gay children, she is glad there are places like PFLAG to go to for support. “There’s more support now, definitely,” she says. “There’s more acceptance of gay, lesbian and transgender people. I think the trend will increase. This younger generation doesn’t seem to be as homophobic.”

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A landmark moment for LGBT politicians was the election of Annise Parker, an openly lesbian woman as Houston’s new mayor.   At Parker’s inauguration last week Joel Osteen, pastor of one of the largest houses of worship in the country congratulated the new mayor and blessed her leadership of the city.  Quite a surprise when you consider that just months before the socially conservative Osteen said on television that homosexuality wasn’t one of God’s best creations.  Giving the invocation at Parker’s inauguration, a more accepting and tolerant Osteen prayed, “God, we just thank you for raising her up. We honor her today and other elected officials,” Osteen prayed. “We count it a joy and an honor to be here.” 

Parker recognized that her election made history not just in Houston, not just in Texas, and not just in the U.S., but around the globe. She has become one of the most influential LGBT politicians in the country, guiding a city that is the largest in Texas, and the fourth largest in the country. “Houstonians weren’t very surprised that a gay woman was elected. We have a tradition of electing mayors not for who they are but for what they believe we can do as a city,” Parker said. “We rise or we fall together, we succeed or we fail together.”

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REST OF THE WAY PUBLISHING                                                                

Press Release

 For Immediate Release

Announcing A New Book To Help Gay Children And Their Parents

Orlando, Florida, December 20, 2009—Enid Jackowitz, a psychotherapist and mother of a gay son has written a new book, The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children. Enid sheds light on where the roots of homophobia, shame, and guilt  come from, allowing parents to see issues that may be keeping them stuck.  The book will not only help parents come to a place of greater understanding and acceptance of their gay child, but also gay people will gain a new awareness of the complexity of the coming out process from a parents’ point of view. 

The Rest of the Way tells the true story of Enid’s journey of personal growth and transformation after her son came out to their family over twenty years ago, and how ultimately she became a psychotherapist specializing in gay and lesbian issues.  A prominent theme of the book is that there is nothing wrong with being gay.  But there is something very wrong with our homophobic world.  It isn’t our children who need to change; it’s society that needs to change.  This quote from Lexi W., Melbourne, PFLAG:  I purchased Enid’s book for our PFLAG chapter in Melbourne, FL. I always read the books we place in our library first. This book proved to be just as helpful for me, a lesbian woman, in my opinion, as it will be for parents of gay children. Enid’s story covers not just her struggle with her son coming out but also other issues that anyone in any family can relate to-relationships and self-esteem.

Very often when children come out the closet parents go into the closet.  But there is a way out.  Enid’s story of personal growth offers hope and compassion to families struggling with the coming out process. Quote from Dawn L. LCSW, Orlando:  The Rest of the Way is a look at the process that many parents of a gay or lesbian child go through in coming to terms with the ‘coming out’ of their child.  …Give this book to any family who has a gay or lesbian member.  Use it as a way to begin deeper conversations and build bridges back to one another and to your own deepest self. This book can change your life and that of your family or friends. 

 The Rest of the Way is now available at Amazon.com or Enid’s website www.restoftheway.com.  Orders placed at Enid’s website from now until January 31, 2010 will include a free copy of 8 Things Parents Need To Know When Their Child Comes Out.

 Enid Jackowitz is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice in Casselberry, Florida.  Knowing personally as well as professionally how difficult the journey from homophobia to acceptance is for both parents and children, Enid felt compelled to tell her story, to help parents on this journey. 

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There’s been a lot of talk about the importance of coming out.  So why is it so important?  For one thing people who have a gay family member or a gay friend are more open and accepting of gay and lesbian issues.  It’s hard to fear or hate someone you know and care about, or someone you’ve watched grow up.  A faceless stranger can be judged and treated with contempt, but someone you know?  Not so easy, especially when you know their story.    

So if you’re thinking about coming out–a scary thought I know–maybe it’s time–if not to your family or origin what about a good friend?

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Here is the speech given by Enid Jackowitz at the Stand Up Florida rally this weekend in West Palm Beach

I am honored to be here today as the proud mother of a gay son and a PFLAG mom. 

When my son came out over twenty years ago I had a very hard time accepting that he was gay.  Back then I thought being gay was a choice.  I didn’t know it then but I was filled with homophobia.  A word I didn’t know but one I would become very familiar with.  Thankfully I found a wonderful therapist and as I began educating myself, I learned that what I knew about homosexuality was tinged with half-truths and misconceptions.   Over the years I went back to school and became a psychotherapist.  Now I specialize in Gay & Lesbian issues.

One of the things I’ve learned is that we can change many things about ourselves—like the color of our hair, or with contact lenses even the color of our eyes, and with surgery we can change the shape of our nose.

But, what we can’t change is our sexual orientation. That is part of our fundamental nature. And that is what these reparative therapy groups try to do. The reality is if someone is gay, he or she is gay. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change a bird into fish because you don’t like the song it sings. You might teach a bird to swim,  But eventually it will fly; that’s what birds do.

To purposely try to change someone who’s gay into someone who‘s straight by attempting to change his or her natural sexual orientation is not only psychologically damaging, it’s downright Orwellian.  And why is this done?  For what purpose —To make gay people “straighter” and therefore more acceptable to mainstream society.

These “reparative therapy” programs persist, even though organizations like the American Psychiatric Association, The American Psychological Association, and the National Association of Social Workers, almost ½ million mental health professionals have rejected and discredited their position.

There is nothing wrong with our children. They do not need to be cured or changed. Homosexuality is not the problem in our world today. Homophobia is—and it’s not a gay problem.  It’s society’s problem.

Knowing personally as well as professionally how difficult the coming out process can be for both parents and gay children I wrote a book to help parents through the coming out process.

The book is called, The Rest of the Way.

The title comes from an ancient story about a king and son who had a major disagreement. The son, feeling angry and misunderstood, gathered his belongings and departed his father’s kingdom and settled in a distant land.    After many years had passed, the king, missing his son greatly, sent word for his son to come home.  Although time had healed some of the pain, the son could not bring himself to return to his father’s kingdom. So he sent word that he would not come because it was too far to travel. The king then sent this reply to his son: “Then come as far as you can, and I will meet you the rest of the way.”

 Isn’t it time for all of us to travel the rest of the way and end homophobia NOW.

www.restoftheway.com

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Watch this touching video.  A beautiful statement from a WWII Veteran telling what he what he fought for:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrEbJBFWIPk

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The city of Tallahassee approved benefits for unmarried couples, gay or straight. They also agreed to include sexual orientation and gender identity in the City’s anti-discrimination and anti-harassment policies and procedures.

Wednesday, after the Tallahassee City Commission unanimously voted to change its benefits policy to include same-sex and domestic partnerships City Hall chambers broke out in cheers and applause. 

That means significant others, no matter their sexual orientation, will be eligible for the same benefits currently available to married couples. The policy change also means a non-married couple that has been together for a number of years are eligible for benefits.

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